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Dear X,

I wish I’d never met you.

I despise you. Hate you. Loathe you. Mere words cannot express how you are despised, hated and loathed.

I wish nothing but the worst for you. I do not want to go over everything. I hope you get lost in the woods. You can keep my f**king scarf I left at your sister’s house. If it still smells like innocence and me – wash it!

I felt tossed aside like a scratched CD. My guts were torn out like the magnetic film of a cassette tape.

I regret setting eyes on you. But – stupid me – I was drawn to you. For some bizarre reason, I wanted you. To be with you. Hold you. Have you. For the rest of my life. Forever and ever, amen.

I wish I could rewind time. Spin the record backwards. Walk out the door. Leave the room. Stay home.
Without your existence, my life would be fuller. Happier. Brighter. Days full of happy frickin’ sunshine.

Then we’d be two unknown ships passing in the night. Otherwise, I’d redirect my boat and crash into yours. Ignoring the lighthouse signal. I’d beetle after you faster than you could pound out “SOS.” Don’t bother, because nothing can save you from a woman scorned.

Are you surprised by these words? Is it unlike me? Out of character? Against my nature? Truth is …

… I don’t hate you.

These words are often spewed by people who don’t realize what they’ve gained from past relationships, such as insight.

At one time, you were the one. My reason. Dare I say, my world. Despite our fights-disagreements-different outlooks, you made me believe in love.

After a relationship runs its course – you learn. You grow. And you move on. Our time together wasn’t a mistake. An oops. A regret. A waste of time. Not in my eyes.

I don’t wish I’d never met you.

Because you were the most valuable lesson.

Always,

Tessa

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