Once Upon A Time – We Won’t Have A Happily Ever After


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Dear *Marcus,

I did something silly.

I, possibly in an over-caffeinated stupor, accidentally sort of made an online dating profile.

My mother was horrified too.

She’s the one who said, ” … get back out there. Take baby steps.” I doubt she meant create an online dating profile and possibly end up on Dateline.

I deleted creepy message after creepy message. Guys who complimented my legs, and I thought, well, that’s weird because I have a face too. One guy gave me a detailed description of his … um … tool in his first message. Delete. And block.

No one interested me. Except one guy. And I couldn’t figure it out. He was funny and cute. With a bit of an edge. Then, I realized – ah, crap.

I realized he was you. He was Fun Marcus. Oh, it gets better. You’re both the same age. Same height. Same eye colour. Even the same freakin’ zodiac sign.

I was attracted to him, but not for the right reasons.

I called my dear mother who recommended this whole ” … get back out there” crap. Once she overcame the initial horror of her precious baby entering the online dating world, I mentioned the guy, and that I liked him because he reminded me of an ex, who I wasn’t over.

Without missing a beat, mom said “Marcus.” Motherly instinct.
Marcus, it’s been years. Decades. I’m not over you.

No, it’s not fair to spring this on you. But given the OUAT series, I’m pretty sure it’s obvious.

Then my mother spent ten minutes talking about how much she liked you, and “Marcus was such a sweetie.” You were so “cute and funny.” If I didn’t know better, I’d say my mother had a crush on you too.

But could she pour more hydrogen peroxide on the wound? “Mom, I get it.”

“Remember that time–”

So, I jumped on the Once Upon A Time memory lane, and we talked about you and stuff, and … well, just stuff.

Then, mom had a valid point: I’m not over you. If I’m only interested in someone because he looks like you, I’m not ready to date again. And for me to delete my profile.

And I need to move on. Because you aren’t coming back. It was the past. And you can’t change the past. And my mom added salt into the wound, saying you’ve moved on, and it’s time for me to move on, a.k.a., stop hanging on.

Since I don’t want to ghost the guy, I’ll take the profile down as soon as I have a chance to explain this to him. Because ghosting is mean.

We all have regrets, Marcus, and you know one of mine was letting you go. To decipher Grumpy Cat, I gave up on someone I loved, however, for reasons unknown.

They say everything happens for a reason. Maybe you were destine to return to my life when I felt at my lowest. You gave me a push. That “life is an evolving process” advice. Maybe that was it. And then you disappeared.

And I think it’s time for me to do the same. I need to let go of false hope. I need to let you go. Again. For real. I need to accept our relationship ended. And we won’t restart.

And we won’t have a happily ever after.

Maybe it was foolish to believe we would.


*Names changed for privacy